By A Bunch of Real Lookers
|Believe it or not, jeffthomas.com has registered more
than 400,000 total hits since its humble beginnings in December 2000. Most have been
from family, friends and the occasional good-natured cyber-stalker. The remainder
came from folks who did keyword queries at search engines like Google, Yahoo! and MSN
Internet Search. It's this last group that concerns me most.
Search engines are programs that look through Web pages for specified keywords or phrases
and return a list of the documents where the keywords were found. But problems arise
because subtleties of context are lost. Here, we dedicate ourselves to those times
when search engines go wrong!
Join me for a look at actual keywords that have been used at search engines to
find this site, offering a glimpse into the twisted psyches of our fellow
"Yeah, that's all fine ... but where the heck
are the SOCK MONKEYS!?"
typical jeffthomas.com visitor
|"Looking for love in all
the wrong places" best describes the vast majority of misguided jeffthomas.com
visitors. I only wish that my site featured the kinds of
girlie-show content that their search words indicate. Well, some of it anyway.
Lovelorn Web surfers were in search of:
Beautiful girls beach wallpaper, cheesecake pictures gallery, big jugs gallery, fat girl
gallery, glamour chicks, pictures of 2 girls kissing, pictures of deformed chicks, redhead
gallery, sexy girl in hard hat, sexy snake girl gallery, swimsuit models, the female back,
and tiny girl gallery.
|It's the naked truth that
nudity is big business on the Web. With a seemingly endless number of easy-to-find
adult-content sites catering to specialty tastes, it's hard to imagine any fetish left
unfulfilled. That's why it's hard not to feel sorry for the poor lost souls who have
somehow turned to jeffthomas.com for their skin fix.
Imagine their disappointment when they didn't find this content:
Friends caught in the shower naked, librarian sex, my wet T-shirt pictures, naked beach
volleyball pictures, naked people at the beach, Naked Mile 2002 photos, and naked old
|Checking into the search
inquiries that referenced the family tree, things started out on a bright spot: I saw that
someone found this site whilst in search of "a mother's thrill of a lifetime."
But it was quickly downhill from there.
Falling into the "don't you even think about my mother in
that way" category are the ultimately dissatisfied jeffthomas.com visitors who were
Hot Mom magazine, mom and her sexy family, pictures of mom in sexy nightgown,
seducing mom with kisses, grandma tickle, and sexy grandpa.
|Having successfully diverted media
attention during my stint as an alligator wrestler in the Florida Everglades, I have
managed to remain popular with animal enthusiasts everywhere.
Web surfers who were looking for animal-related content came to jeffthomas.com via the
Geico Insurance gecko picture, giant gecko pictures, groundhog treats, jackass desktop
wallpaper, Les Nessman turkey, pictures of deformed creatures, and the always-popular sock
|While the rest of the online world
is looking up Jennifer Lopez, Pamela Anderson, and Angelina Jolie, the jeffthomas.com
visitor has decidedly more discerning tastes.
These stars and star-related keywords led celebrity stalkers to jeffthomas.com:
Charles Nelson Reilley, Deney Terrio pictures, Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year, Donnie and
Marie Osmond, Harry Hamiln, Jeff Gordon's haircut, Madonna's maternity photos, Nipsey
Russell, Soupy Sales, Valerie Bertinelli, and Vanna White.
|Finally, there are those
search results that just leave you scratching your head out of confusionor, in at
least a couple of cases, holding your stomach from nausea.
Heaven help our jeffthomas.com brothers and sisters who used the following keywords to
light the way:
Barn raisers pictures, bed bouncing gallery, big machinery, big sexy Greg, "could not
perform" fixation, fashionable maternity wear, gained 100 pounds picture, girls gong
wild, Gremlins 2 pictures, how to host a clambake, how to survive the naval academy,
insane gallery, librarian stereotype, licking party, masochistic pictures, naughty wedding
gallery, wrestling hold gallery, and pictures of parachute pants.
to the Library ]